Modern Nomad Seeks Friends

To the madness that I call my life.  It's a "normal" Tuesday night around here.  I'm sitting at the laptop in the kitchen, chatting with a few friends, listening to the monitor, watching TV, and eating cold leftover pizza.  Of course I've already downloaded some new music for my iPod.  Some H.I.M. , Bloodhound Gang, Teddy Geiger, and White Stripes.  Completely strange taste, and weird combo of music.  But that of course is me being me.  I'm trying to get my iPod all set for the trip I'm taking this weeked.  I'm going to Kentucky, once again.  I just hope the weather agrees with it, along with my bank account, and all the reservations I already have set up.

So I went into the city on Sunday, decided to hit up Chinatown because I found a bank that was open there on Sundays.  Kinda weird, but it worked for me.  And I was totally willing to trek in an hour just to make it to a bank on a Sunday.  Of course once I get into Chinatown, there's this parade going on.  I'm pretty sure it was for Chinese New Year, but not really quite sure.  All I know is that the place was jam-packed.  Couldn't walk anywhere basically.  And of course I get on the wrong side of the street, so I'm diagonal from the bank that I need to get into.  I got there like 2 hours before the bank closed.  And those two hours were spent walking in circles, getting pushed by little old Chinese women, and then getting yelled at by the "younger" Chinese women not to push the old ladies, who were doing the pushing in the first place.  I swear people were on me so much I gave birth to a few people, and some other people were up on me so much that could feel my tampon. (Yeah, I know, gross.  But it gives you a picture of what it was like).  So finally after I realized that the bank was closed, I totally said F it, and got back on the train and took the hour trip back home.  Wasting my whole day just to get pushed, and yelled by people.  Not fun.

WD-40 can be used to dissolve cocaine.  Some bars spread it on counters to prevent users from a sniff. (So all you druggies, keep a couple of bottles around incase you get busted.)

Berlin, Germany - Hundred of German soccer fans waved emormous inflatable penises at their rivals during a match.

Herbert Hoover was the first US President to have a phone on his White House desk. (So what did the other presidents do before that, just yell?)

Barnstable, MA - Minutes after his mother died in a hospital, a man was caught stealing the morphine from her IV bag.

For Valentines Day - The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer. -Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (So instead of kissing people, stay home and watch a movie full of cannons being shot)

London, England - A High Court in London is attempting to convict a British constable of driving 159 mph. (If you're going to make someone a constable, you should expect them to drive FAST!)

The gum on Israeli postage stamps is kosher. (Talking about Israel.  Ami James, the tattoo guy, is HOOOT!!!)

Sydney, Australia - A resurgence of real bed-bugs is taking a bite out of the hotel industry.

A kangaroo cannot jump if you lift its tail.

New York, NY - At the World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship, a 100-pound woman ate 26 sandwiches in 10 minutes. (All those aneroxic girls that finally make it through rehab.)

You can buy a gold-plated slinky toy for $129.95 (Not sure where you could get this, or who could actually buy something like this either.)

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant, and generally nauseating. - Janeane Garofalo.

London, England - A musuem-goer tripped on his shoelaces and crashed into a set of ancient Chinese vases. (Can you guess what the bill for that would be?)

Statistically, women's eyes are better than men's eyes at detecting gradations of colour.

Reading, PA - Rather than signing his real name, a man signed his voter registration form "God."  The form was rejected.

So that's all that I can stand to type for the night.  Enjoy the craziness, and laugh at the news.  It's a real, and from all over.